Growing up in Seattle in the 90’s was fun. Grunge. Caffeine. But it was not a mecca of diversity. And I encountered a lot of men with an Asian Lady Fetish. What is this you ask? Please, let me share! There are the guys who only go to massage parlors with the word Oriental or Lily in the name, they want a 90 pound girl with an accent to walk on their back, and then come home with them and clean their house. There are guys who think that every Asian women is a war bride (and likes the idea of rescuing us and our tiny feet from a war torn land). There are dudes who somehow always end up dating Asian girls, or that one creepy White guy who always ends up in the Asian Christian Fellowship. These are some of the ways that guys can express an odd fixation on Asian women. I’m extra familiar with the last two groups of men.
In high school I encountered a bizarre number of guys who said things like “Asian woman are so beautiful.” Really? Like all of us? Have you seen my aunt in Korea? Have you seen all jillion women in China, they are all gorgeous? Do you mean even those of us who aren’t flight attendants? (This phenomena deserves its own article- entitled “Why Asian Airlines have insanely hot people working for them, and how American laws of justice keep us from having only hotties working on airlines”. OR “Damn you Singapore Airlines- you’ve ruined me forever!”)
These guys would also say things like “Asian women are such good listeners.” It was then that I realized that these guys, who I will call Tim, weren’t actually interacting with me. Cause I was mouthy, opinionated, and I lived in 90’s grunge apparel. I realized Tim was talking to an imaginary Asian lady, that was in fact, a modern day geisha. You might think this phenomenon is a thing of the past, but since Pasadena Weekly still runs two full pages of ads for Asian Lady massage parlors, I know its still going on. This phenomenon- the experience of men interacting with some imaginary Asian Geisha, while sitting across from me, is annoying as hell.
The cure for this phenomenon is introducing these guys to any Chinese woman over 50. These ladies don’t play. They aren’t your geisha. Chinese ladies run everything. They are in charge. They are loud. They aren’t great listeners. They won’t even pretend to be great listeners. They are great at bossing you around. They have somehow created a culture where a lot of Chinese American guys like doing dishes. They are geniuses! I will unleash them, and their permed short hair, on all the Tims of the world. And it will so confuse and frighten and disillusion all of the Tims in this world that Asian Porn sites will collapse. The end. Boom. Problem solved.
THE CURE FOR TIM